It feels like I’ve abandoned my blogging lately. I’m still here in spirit but I think I’ve just needed more time spent with only me. I’ve got some time now to get quiet, less distracted and more tuned in to the messages from the Universe. I’ve had some bad days (poor husband for putting up with me) and I’m finding myself now in much better places with myself. I’m still creating as I continue the job search. I’ve started a file with clippings of art and craft that inspires me. Last weekend, I took a workshop for this and I’m letting my brain run full speed ahead with the myriad of opportunities for designs:

I’m also finishing and starting new hand painted furniture pieces and also finishing up some aprons for Etsy.

I’ve been cooking less and walking more. In the midst of my meatless food blog, I realized that I was packing on a few pounds with all the things that were constantly being tested in my kitchen.

I’ve been reading like crazy. For some reason, I’m really craving words right now. Any and all kinds of books will due. I’ve got tall stacks from the library strategically placed around the house.

I’m finishing up my last meditation class this week, which I will truly miss.

I’ve reconnected with an old book that finally was returned to me: Organizing from the inside out by Julie Morgenstern. A fabulous book if, like me, you’re forever trying new ways to get on top of the house. I’m taking one room at a time and breaking it down in to small cleaning projects. This morning, I tackled one little storage cabinet and one counter top in my kitchen. Throughout the remainder of the week, I’ll continue with one or two cabinets each day until the kitchen is finished.

I’m simply allowing myself the time to explore, rest, search and listen. And that feels good.

six word saturday

Life began when he walked in.

Wishcasting Wednesday: what do you wish to say yes to?

These days find me in an odd place. I haven’t quite been my usual self. Without my role as “worker”, I’m floundering around on dry land like a fish out of water. I’m constantly in the state of processing a million thoughts daily. I feel small and lost at times. I never realized how a job title defined who I was for so long and it stings every time I realize the value people place on what others do for a living. Although my previous job wasn’t even a high end power position, I was still a woman with a purpose every day; a place to go, an entity collecting a paycheck and contributing much more than I do now. Some days the time flies by and others it feels like the walls are closing in. And through all of this, I struggle with seriously tough questions like,

Does God really exist when the times are hard like this?
Does my husband still see me for the good things he fell in love with?
Do my kids respect that I’m home now?
Do I really need to write like I used to? Cook like I used to?
Do I have worth when I’m not working?
Am I less attractive because of this struggle?

So today, I wish to say yes to all of my doubting questions. Yes to letting God in. Yes, I am a good wife and mother. Yes, I need to have my creative outlets. Yes I am worthy and loved and attractive. Yes, I will find the perfect way to generate income and feel important with myself. Yes, I am enough.

Proverbially speaking, I am taking apart and repainting my house….little by little…very slowly….one room at a time

Went on a 5 mile walk this morning. Cleared my head. Working on trying to look better. I feel like an old worn out cow these days. I brought my camera along for the trek. I can’t promise that I’ll stick with this, but I sure would like to. I spotted all sorts of pumpkins and apples that reminded me of the new season:



Lots and lots of mums:

I came across a store display that had me frozen on the spot. Some things are bittersweet. Like remembering how my own Max loved when I read to him about the Wild Things. It feels like a lifetime ago….

So many tracks

Busy past few days. The kind that put your brain through the emotional wash cycle 6 times over. But it was all good. My son is home today. We decided to drive down to some train tracks nearby so I could take a few photos. There has always been something very mesmerizing about train rides and train tracks. Maybe it’s just the feeling of a bigger time and space other than where you are. Miles and miles of new journeys and endless new beginnings. Some days it feels like my left foot and my right foot are trying to step out on to two different tracks. When I finished playing at the train track, I was driving home when I noticed that the stone in my engagement ring was gone. I immediately drove back and spent over a half hour sifting through pebbles and rocks and shards of broken glass in the area where I had been previously standing. Nothing. I’m sure I didn’t bump my hand against anything. It is simply gone. I feel very sad but I also know that these things happen for a reason.

The Joy diet: Desire

I’ve got quite a few desires, but this week found my focus centered around my spiritual life. I have a desire to dig deeper inside of myself and explore my true purpose here in the universe. I’ve actually had this desire for a long time but I have found myself really in tune with this need for the past few months. This week, I started a four week meditation class and I’m planning on attending a two day workshop this weekend where the work is centered around “my right service.” It feels like good progress for me. Trust me, it is empowering to take care of my needs. I’ve had this long standing habit of putting my desires on the shelf for a zillion reasons. I used to be so incredibly impatient and thought I had to have every answer right away. Now, I’m embracing the fact that seeking answers begins with small, gentle steps. I also believe that there may never be any concrete answers. The journey of our desires begins with a single action or step. Once we take action, who knows where our steps will ultimately lead us? How many times have you heard someone say that they never would have guessed in a million years that they would end up in the place where they feel unbelievably successful and fulfilled? I’ll bet that their initial desires may have been vastly different than where they ended up. That’s the beauty of desire. That’s the mystery.

Self awareness and a few sweet things…

This week, I’ve really been focused on the ways I’m serving and honoring God, myself, Breen, kids/family/friends and job. Today, I’m taking a meditation class from a woman who works out at my gym. On Friday and Saturday I’m taking a workshop at our church on “My Right Service”. I’m the type of person who loves to take care of everyone else and maybe fit myself and my needs in there somewhere. So these are nice big steps for me this week.

I whipped up a batch of Chocolate Nut Clusters this morning to feature over at my food blog:

You can check out new art finds over at my art blog.

Finally, a pictures I like of Breen and me this week: